The last week has been very long and stressful. I finally made a decision as to what I'm going to do for school. I'm going back to Winona come fall, and I'll apply again for the nursing program and if I don't get in by fall semester 2010, then I'll withdraw from WSU and work on getting my LPN from AR. It's not ideal, and it's certainly not how I imagined my college experience, but life doesn't always work the way we want it to.
I made the decision in the middle of last week, and since then have applied for a bunch of loans on my own. I applied for 5 different loans. I was denied 5 times. Which puts me right back where I started. My mom and I have been working with the financial aid office at WSU and mom is doing paperwork as I type this. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can get a loan so that I can go back to Winona for one more year. I'm praying hard for God to guide me and to help me be strong through all this. If I can't get a loan to go back to Winona, I'm going to be heartbroken. I'm sure it's going to mean quite a few more tears and some long sleepless nights. It's hard to think about even now that when I packed up my dorm and left at the beginning of May, that it was the last time I would ever be a student at WSU. I'm sad just typing that.
I'm going to miss my friends so much if I can't go back. It'll definitely make the rest of my college experience more lonely, but at least if I have to go to school back in the cities, I'll get to be with Darrell all the time. He's been such a comfort the last week. Despite all the problems he's having, he's been so strong for me. I don't know what I would have done without him. He's been my sounding board through everything and helped me to see things more rationally and less emotionally which enabled me to make my decision. I love him so much.
On a slightly happier note, we celebrated our one year anniversary last Wednesday. A whole year. It's gone by so fast. Last summer I never would have dreamed I'd be here with him now. It's all so crazy, and it makes me so happy. We didn't do much for our anniversary , he went and installed smoke alarms in the house and I talked over my decision about school with my parents. We had a late dinner at Applebees and came home and did nothing. Not the most exciting anniversary, but we're happy none the less.
I don't know how school is going to work out, so I'm going to keep praying. Everything happens for a reason, even if I can't see what that reason is right now.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Weekend Just Got Worse
So I thought Darrell's car accident made the weekend a downer. Then I went to work on Sunday and went to my parents for Father's Day dinner after. And there the weekend got worse. I found out that I'd been denied my loan for school because I couldn't get a cosigner. Both my parents had been turned down as cosigners as my dad had cosigned my previous two. Yeah. The bank said he had too much debt to allow him to cosign my loan. Despite the fact that the loans are in my name. Make sense of that. So needless to say Sunday night was a very emotional one full of lots of tears on my part and several near hyperventilations. All after Darrell and I got home of course. I didn't want to let go and get all emotional in front of my parents because they already felt so bad and it's not their fault. Sunday was a late night and definitely a bad one.
Now the question is what will I do for school? I would give anything to go back to Winona, but I don't know if I'll be able to. Correction, I could if I chose too, as Darrell keeps pointing out to me. There are loans out there that I can get without a cosigner, it'll just cost me a lot more on the back end as I'll have a much higher interest rate. I have to make a decision as to where I'll be going to school in the fall. Will I go back to Winona? Or will I transfer to a school up here at home? I'm not sure yet and I can't begin to describe how stressed I am over the decision. Darrell and my parents said they'll support me no matter what, but I'm still scared to make the wrong choice. What am I going to do?
Winona:
Pros:
+ Already have 2 years invested
+ On the track for the Nursing Program
+ Already enrolled and registered
+ It's a 4 year RN degree
+ Have all but 2 of my generals finished
+ All my friends go here
+ My first choice
Cons:
+ Most expensive tuition
+ Don't know how long it'll take to into the Nursing Program
+ Would have to find a job
+ Living expenses in addition to tuition: rent, food, gas, etc.
+ Would have to take out additional loans to pay for it
Anoka-Ramsey:
Pros:
+ Cheap. My Stafford loans would cover the whole year
+ Less living expenses since I can live at home or with Darrell
+ Close to home
+ Already have a job in the cities
+ Easier to get into the nursing program
Cons:
+ Can get my RN (2 year), but I have to get my LPN first
+ Would have to buy my own laptop
+ Would have to take placement testing
+Possibly have to repeat classes because of AR's nursing program
+Would have to apply and register
+ Not sure how many of my generals would transfer.
+ Would mean another 4 years of school. (2 to get my LPN, and 2 to get my RN)
Anoka Tech:
Pros:
+ Cheap. My Stafford loans would cover the whole year
+ Less living expenses since I can live at home or with Darrell
+ Close to home
+ Already have a job in the cities
+ Easier to get into the nursing program
Cons:
+ LPN only
+ Non-transferable credits
+ Would have to buy my own laptop
+ Would have to take placement testing
+Possibly have to repeat classes because of differences in nursing programs
+Would have to apply and register
+ Not sure how many of my generals would transfer.
I feel like choosing a school up here is the smarter, more practical choice, but it's so hard to make a decision. It would be so hard to let go of my dream of graduating from Winona. Not to mention that I'd totally have to change how I think about college. It would no longer be something that I go away to during the week. It wouldn't be living with my friends and hanging out with the gang in the evenings. But I don't want to close the door on a school up here because of the upside to staying in the cities would be. Yes, it would mean much more school, but if I stay here, I'll get my LPN first and then I could be working at a really job, not my minimum wage, barely there job at K-Mart while I worked toward my RN.
I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and everyone around me is just standing there, watching to see what I'll do.
I'll be sure to write when I make a decision.
Now the question is what will I do for school? I would give anything to go back to Winona, but I don't know if I'll be able to. Correction, I could if I chose too, as Darrell keeps pointing out to me. There are loans out there that I can get without a cosigner, it'll just cost me a lot more on the back end as I'll have a much higher interest rate. I have to make a decision as to where I'll be going to school in the fall. Will I go back to Winona? Or will I transfer to a school up here at home? I'm not sure yet and I can't begin to describe how stressed I am over the decision. Darrell and my parents said they'll support me no matter what, but I'm still scared to make the wrong choice. What am I going to do?
Winona:
Pros:
+ Already have 2 years invested
+ On the track for the Nursing Program
+ Already enrolled and registered
+ It's a 4 year RN degree
+ Have all but 2 of my generals finished
+ All my friends go here
+ My first choice
Cons:
+ Most expensive tuition
+ Don't know how long it'll take to into the Nursing Program
+ Would have to find a job
+ Living expenses in addition to tuition: rent, food, gas, etc.
+ Would have to take out additional loans to pay for it
Anoka-Ramsey:
Pros:
+ Cheap. My Stafford loans would cover the whole year
+ Less living expenses since I can live at home or with Darrell
+ Close to home
+ Already have a job in the cities
+ Easier to get into the nursing program
Cons:
+ Can get my RN (2 year), but I have to get my LPN first
+ Would have to buy my own laptop
+ Would have to take placement testing
+Possibly have to repeat classes because of AR's nursing program
+Would have to apply and register
+ Not sure how many of my generals would transfer.
+ Would mean another 4 years of school. (2 to get my LPN, and 2 to get my RN)
Anoka Tech:
Pros:
+ Cheap. My Stafford loans would cover the whole year
+ Less living expenses since I can live at home or with Darrell
+ Close to home
+ Already have a job in the cities
+ Easier to get into the nursing program
Cons:
+ LPN only
+ Non-transferable credits
+ Would have to buy my own laptop
+ Would have to take placement testing
+Possibly have to repeat classes because of differences in nursing programs
+Would have to apply and register
+ Not sure how many of my generals would transfer.
I feel like choosing a school up here is the smarter, more practical choice, but it's so hard to make a decision. It would be so hard to let go of my dream of graduating from Winona. Not to mention that I'd totally have to change how I think about college. It would no longer be something that I go away to during the week. It wouldn't be living with my friends and hanging out with the gang in the evenings. But I don't want to close the door on a school up here because of the upside to staying in the cities would be. Yes, it would mean much more school, but if I stay here, I'll get my LPN first and then I could be working at a really job, not my minimum wage, barely there job at K-Mart while I worked toward my RN.
I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and everyone around me is just standing there, watching to see what I'll do.
I'll be sure to write when I make a decision.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
What A Downer
So Darrell had planned to run a couple of boxes over to his parents and hit up some garage sales this morning. I have to work this afternoon so I couldn't go with him. I have woke up to kiss him good-bye when he was leaving the apartment this morning and went back to sleep. I woke up a little after 9 when my phone beeped to let me know I had a new text message from Darrell. All it was "Accident...call later. Car totaled." *GASP* Talk about heart attack. I immediately texted him back to ask if he was ok. He said he was, for which I was thankful. He called me like an hour later and I've never heard him so down. He and his dad were in his car and he was making a left turn and something happened, and WHAM! car totaled. I just feel so bad for him. He's got no money right now to afford a new car with all the money he had to shell out for the down payment for the house and rent here and bills and groceries and gas, etc. I don't know what he's gonna go. And my heart just breaks for him because there's really nothing I can do for him.
He's at his parents right now and I won't get to see him until I get home from work since I have to close tonight. Again. Hopefully something will work out for him soon. And until then I'm gonna spend a lot of time in prayer for him. I texted my mom about it and she called me and I told her everything. She said she'll pray for him. I just hope God answers these prayers.
I'm bummed out. Don't really feel like writing anything else right now. Maybe I'll write more in a few days. Ashley over and out.
He's at his parents right now and I won't get to see him until I get home from work since I have to close tonight. Again. Hopefully something will work out for him soon. And until then I'm gonna spend a lot of time in prayer for him. I texted my mom about it and she called me and I told her everything. She said she'll pray for him. I just hope God answers these prayers.
I'm bummed out. Don't really feel like writing anything else right now. Maybe I'll write more in a few days. Ashley over and out.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Another Week
Mmmmm. Yum. Hot chocolate. =) I don't care if it is summer and probably a million degrees outside. It's delicious. So I'm having hot chocolate because Darrell loves it so he made hot water in his coffee pot this morning so he could have some. When he mentioned it last night, I thought he meant he wanted to be able to have it when he was getting ready for work. No. He meant so he could take it with him. Which I didn't find out until I got up a little while ago and went to make myself a cup. I opened the cupboard to grab my mug and noticed that my travel mug was missing. My PINK travel mug. I don't know if Darrell know's that my travel mug is pink. Granted it's a darker pink, not like a baby pink or a hot pink, but still. Had I know he was planning on taking it with him to work, I would have warned him so he just drank it in his car. I really hope he doesn't carry that into work, otherwise he's gonna get some funny looks...
So pretty much nothing interesting at all has happened this week. I got paid yesterday. Very happy about that because I spent the last week driving the ten minutes to and from work on E because I had like 3 dollars in my checking account. Sucky. I deposited yesterday, so I'll stop at the gas station on my way to work tonight. At 6 p.m. I work from 6 p.m. to 11 p.m. Boo. Awful, lame, stupid shift. I need the hours though. My check was small, but it only had my first week on it, so like 24 hours. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my normal paychecks look much better. I can't wait for July 24th because minimum wage goes up which means K-Mart will be forced to pay me better. lol.
The date also coinsides with moving into the house. I'm so excited. Moving, plus all the painting and cleaning we'll have to do since it's a foreclosure house is going to be a lot of work, but it'll be worth it. And despite the fact that Mom and Dad hate that I'm living with Darrell, they're being really supportive of the house and keep offering to help with all the painting and cleaning and Dad said we can borrow his truck and trailer to move. I can't wait to move!
Meg is leaving for Bootcamp at Neecey's store/school this weekend. I'm jealous that she gets to go to Chicago for a week. Mom called me yesterday to ask if I could dogsit for Thor June 26th-28th. She said if I was willing to dogsit, I won't have to pay them for my phone and insurance this month. So of course I said yes, since my first paycheck is practically eaten up and my next paycheck will be eaten up by rent.
So other than that, nothing really to say. I just wanted to put down something so that I don't completely ignore my blog. Toodles!
So pretty much nothing interesting at all has happened this week. I got paid yesterday. Very happy about that because I spent the last week driving the ten minutes to and from work on E because I had like 3 dollars in my checking account. Sucky. I deposited yesterday, so I'll stop at the gas station on my way to work tonight. At 6 p.m. I work from 6 p.m. to 11 p.m. Boo. Awful, lame, stupid shift. I need the hours though. My check was small, but it only had my first week on it, so like 24 hours. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my normal paychecks look much better. I can't wait for July 24th because minimum wage goes up which means K-Mart will be forced to pay me better. lol.
The date also coinsides with moving into the house. I'm so excited. Moving, plus all the painting and cleaning we'll have to do since it's a foreclosure house is going to be a lot of work, but it'll be worth it. And despite the fact that Mom and Dad hate that I'm living with Darrell, they're being really supportive of the house and keep offering to help with all the painting and cleaning and Dad said we can borrow his truck and trailer to move. I can't wait to move!
Meg is leaving for Bootcamp at Neecey's store/school this weekend. I'm jealous that she gets to go to Chicago for a week. Mom called me yesterday to ask if I could dogsit for Thor June 26th-28th. She said if I was willing to dogsit, I won't have to pay them for my phone and insurance this month. So of course I said yes, since my first paycheck is practically eaten up and my next paycheck will be eaten up by rent.
So other than that, nothing really to say. I just wanted to put down something so that I don't completely ignore my blog. Toodles!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The Beginning
I have so many thoughts in my head, I don't know where to start. Just gonna dive in head first.
This is the summer I've been waiting for. I'm 21 days from my longest relationship ever. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I'm glad it's summer, I love living with Darrell, I love that we're moving forward, slowly building our life together, but at the same time I'm looking forward to going back to WSU in the fall.
I feel like I've messed up so much of my college career and I want to do my best to fix it. I haven't tried my hardest but now I think I'm ready to give it my all. I don't think college is something that suits everyone. Not everyone is made to go to college. I'm not saying that some people aren't meant to get a higher education, just get it in a different way. And not everyone is ready for college when they first go off to college. I'm definitely part of the later, and most likely part of the former. I really wish that I could have gone straight from high school into a career of my choice. Not a job, a career. But that's not how the world works, so I'm a college student. And even though looking back, I can see that I wasn't ready, and probably should have taken a year off to work or at least done a year at Anoka Ramsey first, I wouldn't change my decision to go to WSU for the world. It was one of the scariest decisions I've ever made because I didn't know a single other person going to Winona, but I'm so glad I made the decision. I've met some truly wonderful people and through those people I've made relationships that will last a life time.
Ooo I miss seeing the gang every day.
I'm excited for my apartment this upcoming school year. I'm very excited to get to move my stuff down this weekend. I can't wait to see how living with Rachael, Dorie and Megan will go. I'm sure we'll have our rough spots, but I know it's gonna be so much fun. I'm so, so glad to not be living in the dorms next year. Don't get me wrong, I think living in the dorms is a wonderful experience everyone should have. Everyone should have to live with a stranger for one year; you learn so much about yourself. (I went from being a complete slob in my room in high school to being a neat freak, all because I had to share a tiny little room with another person). And then having a single is a good way to ease into living on your own. No more caf food! Yay! I'm excited to get to cook for myself. This summer is my learning curve. (Sorry Darrell! Love ya!)
Which brings to how I'm paying the rent. I have job. That's a good thing. But that's as far as the good goes. Working at K-Mart again you'd think would make this summer a breeze, but no. I work at the New Hope K-Mart. I hate it. I hate that I'm working basically all closing shifts when I specifically asked to work openings. I hate that when I get off of work at 11 pm I'm terrified to walk across the parking lot to get in my car. So I run walk to my car, unlock it as fast as I can. Throw my purse into the passenger seat as I fling myself in to the car, locking myself in as I go. Start the car immediately and get out of the parking lot. I worry about things like my seat belt and turning on my head lights once I'm pulling out of the parking lot because I don't want to be sitting in my car alone for any longer than necessary. Not that the apartment lot is much better. Last night is a perfect example. 5 or 6 guys all probably within 2 or 3 years of me on either side, just chilling in the parking lot. I moved as fast as I could to get back into the building and pulled the door closed behind me. I hate being scared to walk across a parking lot. My job sucks, but I'm gonna live with it because I need a job.
I'm relearning how to pray. I haven't prayed much since my parents stopped doing bed time prayers when I was in like middle school. But in the last few months I've started praying again and it feels good. I know not all prayers get answered yes, but lately it seems like every prayer I make gets answered yes. I prayed for Darrell to get the Centerpoint job and he did. I prayed to get a job, and I did. (I may hate my job, but God gave me this job for a reason. He answered yes, just not in the way I wanted. Beggars can't be choosers). I prayed for Darrell to find a house and he did. I prayed for him to get the house and he did. I know my prayers aren't always going to be answered yes, but I'm happy for all the yes' so far.
I'm excited to move out of this apartment. I can't wait to move into Darrell's house. I know he mumbled something about 'us' and 'ours' last night, but it's his house. That's just how I feel. It's our home, but it's his house. I can't wait to hear more about the house, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow since I work 3-11 again tonight.
Moving my stuff to Winona either tomorrow evening or Saturday morning!
Xoxoxoxo
This is the summer I've been waiting for. I'm 21 days from my longest relationship ever. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I'm glad it's summer, I love living with Darrell, I love that we're moving forward, slowly building our life together, but at the same time I'm looking forward to going back to WSU in the fall.
I feel like I've messed up so much of my college career and I want to do my best to fix it. I haven't tried my hardest but now I think I'm ready to give it my all. I don't think college is something that suits everyone. Not everyone is made to go to college. I'm not saying that some people aren't meant to get a higher education, just get it in a different way. And not everyone is ready for college when they first go off to college. I'm definitely part of the later, and most likely part of the former. I really wish that I could have gone straight from high school into a career of my choice. Not a job, a career. But that's not how the world works, so I'm a college student. And even though looking back, I can see that I wasn't ready, and probably should have taken a year off to work or at least done a year at Anoka Ramsey first, I wouldn't change my decision to go to WSU for the world. It was one of the scariest decisions I've ever made because I didn't know a single other person going to Winona, but I'm so glad I made the decision. I've met some truly wonderful people and through those people I've made relationships that will last a life time.
Ooo I miss seeing the gang every day.
I'm excited for my apartment this upcoming school year. I'm very excited to get to move my stuff down this weekend. I can't wait to see how living with Rachael, Dorie and Megan will go. I'm sure we'll have our rough spots, but I know it's gonna be so much fun. I'm so, so glad to not be living in the dorms next year. Don't get me wrong, I think living in the dorms is a wonderful experience everyone should have. Everyone should have to live with a stranger for one year; you learn so much about yourself. (I went from being a complete slob in my room in high school to being a neat freak, all because I had to share a tiny little room with another person). And then having a single is a good way to ease into living on your own. No more caf food! Yay! I'm excited to get to cook for myself. This summer is my learning curve. (Sorry Darrell! Love ya!)
Which brings to how I'm paying the rent. I have job. That's a good thing. But that's as far as the good goes. Working at K-Mart again you'd think would make this summer a breeze, but no. I work at the New Hope K-Mart. I hate it. I hate that I'm working basically all closing shifts when I specifically asked to work openings. I hate that when I get off of work at 11 pm I'm terrified to walk across the parking lot to get in my car. So I run walk to my car, unlock it as fast as I can. Throw my purse into the passenger seat as I fling myself in to the car, locking myself in as I go. Start the car immediately and get out of the parking lot. I worry about things like my seat belt and turning on my head lights once I'm pulling out of the parking lot because I don't want to be sitting in my car alone for any longer than necessary. Not that the apartment lot is much better. Last night is a perfect example. 5 or 6 guys all probably within 2 or 3 years of me on either side, just chilling in the parking lot. I moved as fast as I could to get back into the building and pulled the door closed behind me. I hate being scared to walk across a parking lot. My job sucks, but I'm gonna live with it because I need a job.
I'm relearning how to pray. I haven't prayed much since my parents stopped doing bed time prayers when I was in like middle school. But in the last few months I've started praying again and it feels good. I know not all prayers get answered yes, but lately it seems like every prayer I make gets answered yes. I prayed for Darrell to get the Centerpoint job and he did. I prayed to get a job, and I did. (I may hate my job, but God gave me this job for a reason. He answered yes, just not in the way I wanted. Beggars can't be choosers). I prayed for Darrell to find a house and he did. I prayed for him to get the house and he did. I know my prayers aren't always going to be answered yes, but I'm happy for all the yes' so far.
I'm excited to move out of this apartment. I can't wait to move into Darrell's house. I know he mumbled something about 'us' and 'ours' last night, but it's his house. That's just how I feel. It's our home, but it's his house. I can't wait to hear more about the house, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow since I work 3-11 again tonight.
Moving my stuff to Winona either tomorrow evening or Saturday morning!
Xoxoxoxo
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