Cray Going Slowly Am I

The last week has been very long and stressful. I finally made a decision as to what I'm going to do for school. I'm going back to Winona come fall, and I'll apply again for the nursing program and if I don't get in by fall semester 2010, then I'll withdraw from WSU and work on getting my LPN from AR. It's not ideal, and it's certainly not how I imagined my college experience, but life doesn't always work the way we want it to.

I made the decision in the middle of last week, and since then have applied for a bunch of loans on my own. I applied for 5 different loans. I was denied 5 times. Which puts me right back where I started. My mom and I have been working with the financial aid office at WSU and mom is doing paperwork as I type this. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can get a loan so that I can go back to Winona for one more year. I'm praying hard for God to guide me and to help me be strong through all this. If I can't get a loan to go back to Winona, I'm going to be heartbroken. I'm sure it's going to mean quite a few more tears and some long sleepless nights. It's hard to think about even now that when I packed up my dorm and left at the beginning of May, that it was the last time I would ever be a student at WSU. I'm sad just typing that.

I'm going to miss my friends so much if I can't go back. It'll definitely make the rest of my college experience more lonely, but at least if I have to go to school back in the cities, I'll get to be with Darrell all the time. He's been such a comfort the last week. Despite all the problems he's having, he's been so strong for me. I don't know what I would have done without him. He's been my sounding board through everything and helped me to see things more rationally and less emotionally which enabled me to make my decision. I love him so much.

On a slightly happier note, we celebrated our one year anniversary last Wednesday. A whole year. It's gone by so fast. Last summer I never would have dreamed I'd be here with him now. It's all so crazy, and it makes me so happy. We didn't do much for our anniversary , he went and installed smoke alarms in the house and I talked over my decision about school with my parents. We had a late dinner at Applebees and came home and did nothing. Not the most exciting anniversary, but we're happy none the less.

I don't know how school is going to work out, so I'm going to keep praying. Everything happens for a reason, even if I can't see what that reason is right now.