The Beginning

I have so many thoughts in my head, I don't know where to start. Just gonna dive in head first.

This is the summer I've been waiting for. I'm 21 days from my longest relationship ever. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I'm glad it's summer, I love living with Darrell, I love that we're moving forward, slowly building our life together, but at the same time I'm looking forward to going back to WSU in the fall.

I feel like I've messed up so much of my college career and I want to do my best to fix it. I haven't tried my hardest but now I think I'm ready to give it my all. I don't think college is something that suits everyone. Not everyone is made to go to college. I'm not saying that some people aren't meant to get a higher education, just get it in a different way. And not everyone is ready for college when they first go off to college. I'm definitely part of the later, and most likely part of the former. I really wish that I could have gone straight from high school into a career of my choice. Not a job, a career. But that's not how the world works, so I'm a college student. And even though looking back, I can see that I wasn't ready, and probably should have taken a year off to work or at least done a year at Anoka Ramsey first, I wouldn't change my decision to go to WSU for the world. It was one of the scariest decisions I've ever made because I didn't know a single other person going to Winona, but I'm so glad I made the decision. I've met some truly wonderful people and through those people I've made relationships that will last a life time.

Ooo I miss seeing the gang every day.

I'm excited for my apartment this upcoming school year. I'm very excited to get to move my stuff down this weekend. I can't wait to see how living with Rachael, Dorie and Megan will go. I'm sure we'll have our rough spots, but I know it's gonna be so much fun. I'm so, so glad to not be living in the dorms next year. Don't get me wrong, I think living in the dorms is a wonderful experience everyone should have. Everyone should have to live with a stranger for one year; you learn so much about yourself. (I went from being a complete slob in my room in high school to being a neat freak, all because I had to share a tiny little room with another person). And then having a single is a good way to ease into living on your own. No more caf food! Yay! I'm excited to get to cook for myself. This summer is my learning curve. (Sorry Darrell! Love ya!)

Which brings to how I'm paying the rent. I have job. That's a good thing. But that's as far as the good goes. Working at K-Mart again you'd think would make this summer a breeze, but no. I work at the New Hope K-Mart. I hate it. I hate that I'm working basically all closing shifts when I specifically asked to work openings. I hate that when I get off of work at 11 pm I'm terrified to walk across the parking lot to get in my car. So I run walk to my car, unlock it as fast as I can. Throw my purse into the passenger seat as I fling myself in to the car, locking myself in as I go. Start the car immediately and get out of the parking lot. I worry about things like my seat belt and turning on my head lights once I'm pulling out of the parking lot because I don't want to be sitting in my car alone for any longer than necessary. Not that the apartment lot is much better. Last night is a perfect example. 5 or 6 guys all probably within 2 or 3 years of me on either side, just chilling in the parking lot. I moved as fast as I could to get back into the building and pulled the door closed behind me. I hate being scared to walk across a parking lot. My job sucks, but I'm gonna live with it because I need a job.

I'm relearning how to pray. I haven't prayed much since my parents stopped doing bed time prayers when I was in like middle school. But in the last few months I've started praying again and it feels good. I know not all prayers get answered yes, but lately it seems like every prayer I make gets answered yes. I prayed for Darrell to get the Centerpoint job and he did. I prayed to get a job, and I did. (I may hate my job, but God gave me this job for a reason. He answered yes, just not in the way I wanted. Beggars can't be choosers). I prayed for Darrell to find a house and he did. I prayed for him to get the house and he did. I know my prayers aren't always going to be answered yes, but I'm happy for all the yes' so far.

I'm excited to move out of this apartment. I can't wait to move into Darrell's house. I know he mumbled something about 'us' and 'ours' last night, but it's his house. That's just how I feel. It's our home, but it's his house. I can't wait to hear more about the house, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow since I work 3-11 again tonight.

Moving my stuff to Winona either tomorrow evening or Saturday morning!

Xoxoxoxo